This is something that I’ve been hearing quite often in the last few weeks while going through a bit of life turmoil. But somehow struggling to comprehend what it means. What is self-love?
At first, the answers seemed simple. I spoil myself with a new outfit every once in a while. I’m very chuffed with myself when I see my children smiling. I take a time out and go to the spa or play a round of golf. All these things make me feel good about myself, so I’m loving myself right?
Turns out, it’s not that simple. Having self-love is a little bit more complex than that. And it takes a little bit of selfishness to discover. When I use the term selfishness, this isn’t in the negative connotation that usually goes with this word. We have become accustomed to attaching happiness and satisfaction in externalities. “My children make me happy”, “I love new clothes” or “They know exactly what I need” are usually the answers to what makes us happy. So is it self-love, or is it your love for others and their love for you? Either way, it’s not exactly self-love.
The over-arching statement, “Self-love comes from within”. Now that’s some valuable information. We need to love ourselves, for ourselves, by ourselves. No interruptions. Think about this, if you were the only person in the world, no one else to do anything for you, no one else for you to do anything for. Would you be able to keep yourself company? Would you be able to enjoy your own company? Can you be alone with yourself and feel comfortable and happy with how you feel about where you are, in the moment? Do you love yourself enough to not need anyone or anything else to feel complete? My view, this is when you’ve figured out how to self-love. It’s not easy. And I’m wondering how many others have thought they’ve discovered it but perhaps after reading this is just having a little thought to themselves.
So why is it even important? How often do you hear the words, “my other half”? While it is always amazing and great to find someone who “completes you”, is this really how we should be going about our lives? Why can’t we complete ourselves, find a way to not need more than who we are. And instead of needing someone to complete you? Imagine the difference if you are able to be a “whole” on your own, and you meet another “whole”. All of a sudden, we go from “you complete me” to “you enhance me”. Instead of being two halves, you are now two “wholes” instead. Last I checked, two is better than one. That’s a simple analogy of going back into finding love outside of yourself. But implement this into other aspects of life. How much more can you give if you found yourself complete rather than part of a fraction?
We are all exploring and searching for this. Some of us just don’t know it. I didn’t even know what I was looking for. But now that I know, there is nothing really else that I can aspire for but to find out how to LOVE MYSELF.